Yup led the way out at 19:00 with a promise to return before the closure time of 01:00.
The beer and burger festival filled the spotlessly clean square.
Giant pancakes were cut with a pizza wheel to produce a chip substitute and a hot dog stand declared “we will butter your buns”.
DC located a beer stall with a choice of draft beers that proved to be good though served in plastic vessels. A young lady managed the waste recycling bins and directed appropriate disposal.
Portaloos were strategically placed and were well visited. Keithee remarked that the tubs were either nearly full or were very shallow.
SQUARRITES GET LJUBRICATED 2018
28th September-1st October 2018
17 were up for it:
Yupmeister, JayCee, Granpop Bill, Stubbee, Sean of the Amey Waneys, Tim Mothy, Turkish Tone, Digger David Hulson (TT's B-in-law), Benson B.Eds (Brian Edwards), Handy, 2 Pie Hard Dave Semi-Colon Nails and Noodles, Keithee's up for it, Jacko, Mind the gap Sid, Dceen, BrollyWolly Bagman of Talke Talke and Matt Brolly Wolly Junior.
The expedition began with the usual pre-dawn meeting at the Westbury. New Squarrite Digger had boarded the Scragg's luxury coach at the garage but still hadn't been able to find room for his knees or suitcase. Andy and B.Ed were collected at the Trentham Arms and Sid was found after a short detour on the A50. The journey south via M1, A14 & M11 was completed in 3.5 hours and check in was easy for most.
Bill was told to put all of his possessions onto a tray and into the scanner but when the tray emerged his boarding passes had disappeared. A thorough search of the floor beneath the rollers revealed the passes just in reach of his long arms.
The Camden offered traditional breakfasts for £8.90. Warm water and a tea bag cost an additional £2.65 or Tiger beer at £3.25. The information board showed that the flight was delayed by 30 minutes to allow extra time in Wetherspoon's where Hobgoblin and Beer O'clock proved popular.
Notes taken by our ace Foreign Correspondant, Jacko, and embelished by yours truly over several days. This is probably the largest web page produced since we began.
Many thanks to Jacko for his very hard work in putting the notes together. It's not an easy task.
And of course, a big thankyou to everyone for coming along and making it such a memorable event.
Cheers
Yup
(enjoy yer lubrrication)
Yup led the way down the winding path to the shores of the lake in search of liquid refreshment. The bar at Pub Bled was full and the waiter claimed that beer only orders had to be taken upstairs.
The upstairs bar was eventually found off the adjacent but higher street and 17 beers were ordered. Keithee offered to help the serving girl but retired once his High Altar table had been supplied.
Saturday 29th September
A grand spread choice of continental and full English breakfasts were displayed in the breakfast restaurant but all plates, bowls and spoons were hidden in drawers. Extensive searches revealed all just in time for the bacon server to empty. Stubbee returned with a smug grin and a large bowl of coffee and his 5th course. He had started his feast at 7:45 and reckoned to finish at 9:00.
The taxis were not allowed into the city centre so that a short walk to the next street was needed to meet the 2 mini buses and the Mercedes estate at 9:30.
Within minutes the convoy was away through the super clean back streets to join a quality motorway system into the Alpine countryside. Britain's alleged £350M weekly contribution to the EU fund was evident. The sound of Boney M played on the radio and was followed by the Birdie Song. The driver dropped the sun screen to reveal “SINGING IS ALLOWED”.
Dino Land with its plastic dinosaurs and Stonehenge were passed as the taxis climbed into the 2800m high mountains to the Vintgar Gorge. The river was crystal clear but with a blue/white tinge that suggested a glacial origin. A group ticket was negotiated and the Squarrites set out to follow the river downhill through the limestone gorge. The scenery seemed a little like Dovedale but much more so.
The boardwalk footpath had been constructed as a cantilever on short lengths of railway line embedded into the cliff faces presumably using roped access. The Squarrites regrouped at the entrance for the short journey to Bled Castle passing the “George Best Inn” on the way.
Yup then led the way to the Sir William bar where a selection of 14 beers was displayed among familiar pub memorabilia. The cost per 500ml rose to €5.30 for the 8% Reservoir Dog.
Sid recommended not being the first to order. “By the time everyone has taken a taster you will be left with an empty glass”. He added that he had seen a recent advert for Viagra that claimed “It won't make you James Bond but it will make you Roger Moore”
Andy noted that the Vapour's hit “Turning Japanese” related to masturbation and Sid replied that “Delilah” was a song about a shit football team.
The pilot made up for lost time, landing at Ljubljana back on schedule.
A large sign displaying “David Stevens & Co” was followed to where 2 mini buses and a car were waiting to whisk the Squarrites away.
JC received an angry call from Yup. He had called the entire WhatsApp group and only JC had responded to his attempt to locate Turk.
Yup did eventually find Turk sitting behind him.
The Best Western Premier Hotel Slon in the heart of the city was soon reached and rooms were allocated to receive suitcases before assembly in the bar for the first of Turk's kitty collections for the first taste of Slovenian beer.
Another group discount was negotiated for the entrance to Castle with its outer walls rising seamlessly from the towering cliffs below.
The view over Lake Bled towards the Alpine landscape beyond was spectacular.
A long walk ended at the Vera Pizza where the Squarrites were placed together on a raised area.
Pizzas for all were ordered and Sid declared that our youths had been the best age in history. Jacko disagreed “All those hormones and self doubts. You find a large zit on the end of your nose and learn in the school showers that your todger is tiny”
“Tell you what though”, said Sid, “That zit has healed up nicely”.
“It may look like a needle but it goes like a sewing machine”, should be your motto said Matt.
JC stood to take a photo but the Squarrites were unprepared while waiting for his usual countdown.
The pizzas proved to be delightful and some declared them the best ever.
Tony settled the bill and the Squarrites left at 21:30 for a nightcap at the Sir William.
Yup went in search of the famous Bled cake. The Squarrites had heard that wedding cake was something fed to women to put them off sex but Bled cake turned out to be a large cube of vanilla slice topped with cream.
JC declared himself not up for it so 16 cakes were ordered at café Maximal to be placed in individual plastic containers.
The cost was €3.80 each for what would have cost £1.00 at Chatwins.
Andy managed to finish his cake without the benefit of a plastic fork but cheated by putting most of the cake up his nostrils.
Matt, Turk, Digger and Sid went to take the toboggan run down the mountainside while the remaining Squarrites headed for the ferry.
The Squarrites regrouped at the Mlino bar for beers and to join The Malaysian ladies dancing choir where everyone was dressed in bright red including Yup.
The tobogganists reported that they had climbed the mountain on foot. The descent had cost €8 but took about a minute to complete. “I took 59 seconds” claimed Sid.
The hungry Squarrites went in search of Yup's selected restaurant and passed a shrine to the non-singing Madonna. Sid declined to light a candle but did make a prayer. “Let Stoke win” he pleaded.
Sean, DC, Stubbee and Nails went missing and had to call Yup for directions and to ask for forgiveness.
Stoke were playing Rotherham away but JC was locked out and couldn't remember his mobile password. Yup had to disconnect when his battery started to fade and so endanger his contact with the taxis.
The waitress had short hair and a look of permanent surprise but was efficient in delivering 17 beers and eventually took orders for beef or mushroom soup though main meals were not mentioned.
The soup arrived after 40 minutes to raise doubt that the meal could be completed before the taxis were due to arrive 1 hour later. The waitress assured the Squarrites that beef, pork and lamb meals were ready prepared and available to meet the deadline.
The food was generally good and Bill and Stubbee were able to bulk up from the salad bar.
The kitty was topped up with a €50 contribution followed by another €30 to pay the taxi bill of €500 and the restaurant €300.
The taxis were waiting to return the Squarrites back to the Hotel for a regroup in the lounge for 21:00.
The beer and burger festival was buzzing with life with a good humoured atmosphere and no litter. English was spoken everywhere and even between the locals.
The Easy Blonde, Human Fish and Apocalypse Normal proved popular though Yup chose Iggy to remind him of the dog he shared. The 100% horsemeat burger stall was avoided in favour of beef and cheese specials with a choice of Amber, Cherry or Grand Hop beer.
The Squarrites returned to the Hotel with some taking an early bed and others remaining in the bar for whiskey or G & T. Brexit was discussed and a straw poll resulted in a majority to swallow pride and remain.
All went to bed at midnight but Turk and Digger were disturbed by the joyous noise from the streets and rose from their beds to dress and investigate. Their search led them to an alleyway and eventually to the Cutty Sark pub where the locals were dancing to loud music. The fun was so good they stayed till 2:00.
Sunday 30th September.
The Squarrites woke to the sound of church bells all around and made their way to the breakfast room to display their new found knowledge of hidden crockery and the mysteries of the coffee machine.
The taxis were waiting on schedule to take the Squarrites to Zalec where they parked on the zebra crossing near to the beer fountain.
The Squarrites purchased €8 beer mugs that had a smart chip preloaded to deliver 6 beers of choice from an array of 6 stainless steel pods each delivering a different beer in 200ml doses.
Most started the tasting at the lower end of the sloping curve but JC started at the top. “It's all downhill from now” he said.
And so the drinking began at 11:00 and continued as the sun traversed the clear blue sky. Deckchairs were rearranged constantly to avoid the moving shadow.
One giant outsize chair was placed to dwarf the sitter for photo jokes but seemed just right for Bill.
Sunday morning church bells began to ring everywhere and Sid noted that at 2 pulls for €6 a fortune was being spent.
B.Ed. returned with a mug of green beer camouflaged against his green shirt. “A nice hint of broccoli” he declared.
Digger purchased a crate of water but discovered that he had picked up the gassy carbonated sort. “The good news is it was cheap and there's a lot of it, the bad news is I don't like it” he complained.
“When I was a kid my father used to hit me with a camera. I keep getting flashbacks” he added.
Ljubljana was bathed in sunshine as the Squarrites bought a group ticket for the funicular and entrance to the Castle.
The views were spectacular especially from the top of the tower. The climb up via the spiral staircase was well worth the effort even if the experience had to be shared with dozens of Italians on a guided tour. The return was made by a downward spiral within the up staircase.
The machines refused to deliver a seventh beer so Yup led the way through the industrial estate to Gastro Kolodvor Pub where further pints were chosen from the huge menu available before returning to the taxis.
The Squarrites stopped for a group photo and Matt knelt to be included but swore he'd heard the sound of zippers.
The menu at the Lajbah bar was written in English and listed 16 beers at strengths from 4% to 10.5%. Most chose the Harvest IPA at 5.8% but Nails and Digger opted for the Reservoir Dog Imperial at 8%. It was numbered 13 on the list, but even so, was truly evil with a taste like orange juice that had been left at the back of the fridge for a year to go rancid. The ginger haired serving girl insisted that that the brew was good and could not be refunded. The beer was left on the table where even the wasps avoided it. The bill was settled at €180 so at €10 each the beer was not cheap.
At 20:45 precisely Yup strode off to the Namaste Indian Restaurant which stood near to the hovel he had pointed at earlier. Beers all round were consumed to a chorus of cheers to Yup.
Squarry uniforms were worn by most and JC wore a bright pink version. Fortunately the colour obscured the “Squarrite” logo to save the embarrassment of his fellows.
Seven Squarrites to the left ordered Union beer while those to the right drank Cobra at an extra cost of €1. The breakaway faction started to sing “You can't touch me I'm part of the Union” and threatened to vote for Benidorm for next years trip.
Chappati was followed by seven large onion Bhajis split between the 17. Main meals were considered fair to good especially when subjected to another round of microwave for DC. More beer was called for but this time the order was for 8 Union and 9 Cobras. One more defector and the revolt would be complete.
Digger performed magic tricks with coins that appeared and disappeared. When asked to choose a number between 1 & 5 Turk stunned his audience by revealing the correct number of fingers from behind a serviette. He become emboldened and asked for the selection of a number between 1 & 10 but either the dexterity or the maths let him down. A shit magician but a red hot treasurer proclaimed Sid.
The bill of €395 together with a €10 tip gave a total of €24 each.
The Squarrites left to explore the city now bathed in floodlight and found themselves down the alley for G&T's and whiskeys at the Cutty Sark pub.
Monday 1st October
Another great breakfast was followed by checkout before 10:00 with an unexpected addition of €7.50 tourist tax.
The town was ultra clean and friendly with evidence of recent investment into glass decked bridges over the river and modern street sculpture.
A girl serving in the gift shop was impressed by Digger's speech “I wish I had a cool accent” she had said. “You should have recommended a week's holiday in Fegg Hayes” remarked B.Ed.
The dragon bridge and open air market proved popular photo opportunities though Bill had to return to the Hotel to check out.
The remaining Squarrites made their way to the Cathedral to wonder at the gold and painted ceiling. “Wouldn't this make a great Wetherspoons” commented Sid.
The urge to take something home for the loved ones or wives led the romantic tourists to the chocolate shop. “I'll take a gift for the Honey Bunny” said Digger. “Is that what you call her” said Andy. “No it's what your wife calls me” Digger replied.
The suitcases were retrieved and the taxis were waiting for a quick transfer to the airport to receive notice of a 1 hour delay. The airport was small and friendly with reasonable prices for snacks and drinks.
The flight was uneventful and the exit from Stansted was completed in a record time of 35 minutes after touchdown.
The Scragg's taxi overhead space was even shallower than the one used 3 days earlier and suitcases occupied seats.
The journey via M11. A14 and M1 went without a hitch but there was chaos to join the A50. Signage was confusing or non existing but Sid navigated a complete circle of the roundabout to return to East Midland airport and a detour through Castle Donnington.
Squarrite numbers decreased as Stoke approached with a drop off for DC right on his driveway. “That will save your legs” said JC in one final unnecessary remark.
The ferries were flat bottomed and rowed by the oarsman from a standing position. They were almost silent in keeping with the tranquillity of the lake but Jacko was shouted at for leaning inwards to destabilise the boat.
The cost was €14 to be paid on the return journey after a 40 minute trip to the church.
The €6 fee to enter the church was paid and the Squarrites dutifully rang the wishing bell. However B.Ed. had nipped to the loo to emerge to find a procession of perhaps 100 Chinese ladies in front of him each waiting to be photographed making their wish.
Brian did not pull.
The taxis arrived on schedule for the journey to the medieval town of Skofja Loka where a cask of beer was poured by Sid at Bar Lunca.
After a quick turn around back at the hotel, and wearing our squarry shirts, we set off looking forward to a few beers and a curry.
Yup led the way once more along the riverside and pointed out a run down hovel he claimed was the Indian Restaurant he had chosen. “Hopefully all will be OK” he said.
The Museum of Illusion enticed entry with a spinning spiral disc. The lower disc is for people with shorter legs he said to DC in an undignified remark.
Yup received word of a free ticket for the Stoke game on Tuesday but no one was interested.
The Squarrites made their way to a pavement café where coffees in various guises together with baked fancies were ordered.
JC sat in the last seat available but had to hide behind the bamboo like a sniper in the jungle.